Saturday, September 17, 2011

Losing My Mind

The most interesting thing about losing my memory is not watching it in slow motion, like a bad movie, day after day. Nor is the fact that the progression could cost me my job,my quality of life or my sanity. Nor is the most interesting thing about losing my memory the look of either disgust or pity but rarely compassion, that I see in the eyes of those who catch a glimpse of it. No, the most interesting thing about losing your memory is that the only people who can really relate to losing their memory cannot relate with you about losing their memory. It is the most intangible illness there is. It's mistaken for aging, stupidity, lack of focus, lack of prioritizing, lack of discipline; but not what it is- a mental illness. .
 Not only is my memory fading, but bits and pieces of my reality run together and become confusing. For example, dates. I look at dates, completely forgetting what day it is and thinking it's another date, a week ago, a week from now. Names of people I've known for years escape me and lately, I can't remember how to spell things.
I am not going to apologize for my memory loss and the subsequent fall-out. I refuse to allow the permeable distate that others have for those who they label "stupid" to hurt me. If I am to blame, then so be it. But no matter who is to blame, this is what it is. A descent into the rabbit hole.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Draft-Children's Story

Children’s Story-Untitled

“The stories told of old,
Which terror doth unfold
Of shadowless lands and darkness deep
And endless nights when man doth weep..”

“Are you scared?” Haven asked closing the book.
“I’m not scared!” Shouted Arth, a little too loudly.
“What are they about?” inquired Skye, wide-eyed.
Haven whipped wildly around, hands grotesquely clawed, his long blond hair flying around his head,  hissing loudly, “MONSTERS!!!”
Both children ran from Haven screaming and laughing but Haven’s smile faded when their backs were turned.  He knew there were such things as monsters.

Haven walked Arth and Skye down the path beside the black rock, onto the valley floor, besides the Blue Water River back to Dathanlan. They were of the Dathan clan and not Haven's.  Haven had no clan and he had no memory of ever having one.  He enjoyed Arth and Skye when he came through , but they were so young and their energy so powerful and undisciplined that he was eventually glad to be taking his leave, so that he could rest for a while. They demanded his constant attention and would accept no less.