Wrong Road

I feel as if my journey in life started on the right road, but somewhere, I chose a route that led me so far away from the main road, I can’t find my way back.  My happiness is on that road; miles of green waving grass, shade trees dancing in the wind, birds singing, animals playing, hunting, living as they should; a feeling of peace and lack of want.  The road I am on, the road that I chose is a journey of  weariness and a never ceasing gnawing longing to return home.  Home feels so close... just over that hill or beyond that lake.  I sometimes want to force a solution, to end the frustration and rush to peace at the end of my journey.  

I don’t know why I don’t.  Am I afraid that God will be angry with me, if there is a God; or that He will show me what could have been had I waited; or maybe it’s what I tell myself, that there are those who depend on me, who will be terribly hurt if I go?  So I keep looking for my way back, praying along the way.  Maybe it should be the other way around.  Maybe I should pray for my way back and look along the way.